{"id":1192,"date":"2026-10-03T22:50:01","date_gmt":"2026-10-03T22:50:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1.jpg"},"modified":"2026-10-03T22:50:23","modified_gmt":"2026-10-03T22:50:23","slug":"imgonline1","status":"inherit","type":"attachment","link":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/kolumu-kirdim-ve-esimden-bes-aylik-ikizlerimize-bakarken-bana-yardim-etmesini-istedim\/imgonline1\/","title":{"rendered":"Kolumu k\u0131rd\u0131m ve e\u015fimden be\u015f ayl\u0131k ikizlerimize bakarken bana yard\u0131m etmesini istedim."},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":[],"class_list":["post-1192","attachment","type-attachment","status-inherit","hentry"],"description":{"rendered":"<p class=\"attachment\"><a href='https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1.jpg'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1-300x300.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n"},"caption":{"rendered":"<p>Sadece anlamas\u0131n\u0131 istiyordum.<\/p>\n<p>\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc konu\u015farak anlam\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n<p>Annemin evine vard\u0131\u011f\u0131mda telefonum daha ilk yar\u0131m saat i\u00e7inde \u00e7almaya ba\u015flad\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u0130lk mesaj \u015f\u00f6yleydi:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHangisi mavi emzi\u011fi kullan\u0131yor?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Be\u015f dakika sonra:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMamalar ka\u00e7 \u00f6l\u00e7ek?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ard\u0131ndan:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBiri uyumuyor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sonra:<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u0130kisi de a\u011fl\u0131yor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bir saat sonra telefon \u00e7ald\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>A\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131mda Baran neredeyse ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBunlar neden susmuyor?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBebek olduklar\u0131 i\u00e7in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u00c7ok komik.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDosyaya bakt\u0131n m\u0131?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBakt\u0131m ama s\u00fcrekli bir \u015fey \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEvet.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBiri kusmu\u015f!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u00dcst\u00fcn\u00fc de\u011fi\u015ftir.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDi\u011feri de a\u011fl\u0131yor!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOnu da kuca\u011f\u0131na al.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u0130kisini ayn\u0131 anda nas\u0131l yapaca\u011f\u0131m?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bir s\u00fcre sustum.<\/p>\n<p>Sonra sakince sordum:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen nas\u0131l yap\u0131yordum?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Telefonun di\u011fer ucunda sessizlik oldu.<\/p>\n<p>Sonra sinirle telefonu kapatt\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>O gece ilk kez kesintisiz d\u00f6rt saat uyudum.<\/p>\n<p>Uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131mda su\u00e7luluk hissedece\u011fimi sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>Ama hissetmedim.<\/p>\n<p>Sadece ne kadar yoruldu\u011fumu fark ettim.<\/p>\n<p>Sabah telefonumu a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131mda on yedi mesaj vard\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Baran gece boyunca neredeyse hi\u00e7 uyumam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Saat 02.14:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBiri uyudu, di\u011feri uyand\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Saat 02.47:<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u015eimdi ikisi de uyand\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Saat 03.20:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAlt de\u011fi\u015ftirme s\u0131ras\u0131nda her yer batt\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Saat 04.03:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen yar\u0131n i\u015fe gidemem.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bu mesaj\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce istemsizce g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedim.<\/p>\n<p>Birka\u00e7 saat sonra Baran arad\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Bu kez sesi farkl\u0131yd\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u00d6fkeli de\u011fil, yorgundu.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBug\u00fcn i\u015fe gitmedim.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u00d6yle mi?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEvet.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNeden?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Derin bir nefes ald\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cUyumad\u0131m.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Cevap vermedim.<\/p>\n<p>Bir s\u00fcre sonra kendisi devam etti.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBunu her gece mi yap\u0131yorsun?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u00c7o\u011fu gece.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u0130kisi de ayn\u0131 anda uyan\u0131yor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBiliyorum.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBirini uyutunca di\u011feri ba\u015fl\u0131yor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBiliyorum.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cVe sonra sabah kalk\u0131p yemek yap\u0131yorsun.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEvet.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEvi de topluyorsun.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEvet.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Telefonun di\u011fer taraf\u0131nda uzun bir sessizlik oldu.<\/p>\n<p>Sonra \u00e7ok k\u0131s\u0131k bir sesle,<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBilmiyordum.\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n<p>\u0130\u00e7imden \u201cBilmek istemiyordun.\u201d demek ge\u00e7ti.<\/p>\n<p>Ama s\u00f6ylemedim.<\/p>\n<p>\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ders hen\u00fcz bitmemi\u015fti.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAk\u015fama g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u00fcz.\u201d dedim.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBug\u00fcn de gelmeyecek misin?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHay\u0131r.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Panikledi\u011fini sesinden anlayabiliyordum.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAma\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u0130ki gece demi\u015ftim.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>O g\u00fcn Baran\u2019\u0131n annesi beni arad\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Baran ona da ula\u015fm\u0131\u015f.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBu \u00e7ocuk bana telefonda a\u011flayacak neredeyse.\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNe olmu\u015f?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u00c7ocuklara bakmak \u00e7ok zormu\u015f.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u0130lk kez kahkaha att\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>Kay\u0131nvalidem de g\u00fcld\u00fc.<\/p>\n<p>Sonra ciddile\u015fti.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCan\u0131m, ben o\u011flumu severim ama bu konuda haks\u0131z. Babas\u0131n\u0131n zaman\u0131nda bana yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015feyin ayn\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 sana yap\u0131yor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bu c\u00fcmle beni \u015fa\u015f\u0131rtt\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Baran\u2019\u0131n babas\u0131n\u0131n evde hi\u00e7 \u00e7ocuk bakmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyordum ama ayr\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 hi\u00e7 konu\u015fmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131k.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen de y\u0131llarca tek ba\u015f\u0131ma u\u011fra\u015ft\u0131m.\u201d dedi kay\u0131nvalidem. \u201cBaran bunu g\u00f6rerek b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc. Demek ki normal sand\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u0130\u015fte o an baz\u0131 \u015feyler yerine oturdu.<\/p>\n<p>Bu Baran\u2019\u0131 hakl\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n<p>Ama davran\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131n nereden geldi\u011fini a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n<p>\u0130kinci gecenin sabah\u0131nda eve d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde kap\u0131y\u0131 anahtarla a\u00e7t\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>Salon sava\u015f alan\u0131 gibiydi.<\/p>\n<p>Koltu\u011fun \u00fczerinde iki battaniye vard\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Yerde mama \u015fi\u015feleri duruyordu.<\/p>\n<p>Mutfakta bula\u015f\u0131klar birikmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n<p>Baran sa\u00e7lar\u0131 da\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f halde koltukta oturuyordu.<\/p>\n<p>Kuca\u011f\u0131nda bebeklerden biri uyuyordu.<\/p>\n<p>Di\u011feri g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcne yaslanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Beni g\u00f6r\u00fcnce aya\u011fa kalkmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ama sonra vazge\u00e7ti.<\/p>\n<p>Y\u00fcz\u00fc ger\u00e7ekten bitkin g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n<p>Bekledi\u011fim ilk \u015fey savunmaya ge\u00e7mesiydi.<\/p>\n<p>Ama yapmad\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u00d6z\u00fcr dilerim.\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n<p>Sadece iki kelimeydi.<\/p>\n<p>Ama ilk kez ger\u00e7ekten s\u00f6yledi\u011fini hissediyordum.<\/p>\n<p>\u00c7antam\u0131 b\u0131rakt\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNe i\u00e7in?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHer \u015fey i\u00e7in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bebe\u011fi dikkatlice yata\u011f\u0131na b\u0131rakt\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSenin b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcn hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yledim.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 e\u011fdi.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen iki g\u00fcnde mahvoldum.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sessiz kald\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDaha k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fc\u2026\u201d dedi, \u201cSen bunu aylard\u0131r yap\u0131yorsun. Ben ise eve gelip yeme\u011fim neden ge\u00e7 kald\u0131 diye bile s\u00f6ylendim.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bo\u011faz\u0131m d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmlendi.<\/p>\n<p>\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bunu duymaya ihtiyac\u0131m vard\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Ama mesele yaln\u0131zca \u00f6z\u00fcr de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBaran, ben senden yard\u0131m istemiyorum.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u015ea\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131kla y\u00fcz\u00fcme bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNe?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYard\u0131m kelimesini yanl\u0131\u015f kullan\u0131yoruz. Bunlar benim \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m oldu\u011fu kadar senin de \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n. Ev de ikimizin. Sen bana yard\u0131m etmeyeceksin. Kendi sorumlulu\u011funu \u00fcstleneceksin.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yava\u015f\u00e7a sallad\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHakl\u0131s\u0131n.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Masadaki dosyay\u0131 g\u00f6sterdim.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBunun ikinci k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcn m\u00fc?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ka\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7att\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Dosyay\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131p arka sayfalara bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Orada haz\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m yeni bir liste vard\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Gece n\u00f6betleri.<\/p>\n<p>Banyo g\u00fcnleri.<\/p>\n<p>Doktor kontrolleri.<\/p>\n<p>Mama haz\u0131rlama.<\/p>\n<p>\u00c7ama\u015f\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>Market.<\/p>\n<p>Ev i\u015fleri.<\/p>\n<p>Her \u015feyi ikiye b\u00f6lm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm.<\/p>\n<p>Baran listeye uzun s\u00fcre bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Sonra kalemi ald\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSal\u0131 ve per\u015fembe gecelerini ben al\u0131r\u0131m.\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n<p>\u015ea\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHafta sonu banyolar\u0131n\u0131 da.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bir maddeyi daha i\u015faretledi.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDoktor kontrollerine s\u0131rayla gideriz.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>O g\u00fcn hayat\u0131m\u0131z bir anda m\u00fckemmel olmad\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Baran bazen yine homurdand\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Ben bazen onun yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u015fi be\u011fenmeyip m\u00fcdahale etmek istedim.<\/p>\n<p>Baz\u0131 geceler ikimiz de uykusuzluktan tart\u0131\u015ft\u0131k.<\/p>\n<p>Ama \u00f6nemli bir \u015fey de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n<p>Art\u0131k yaln\u0131z de\u011fildim.<\/p>\n<p>Baran birka\u00e7 hafta sonra i\u015ften eve geldi\u011finde do\u011frudan \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n yan\u0131na gidiyordu.<\/p>\n<p>Birini kuca\u011f\u0131na al\u0131yor, bana da,<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSen otur. Ben hallederim.\u201d diyordu.<\/p>\n<p>Kolumun al\u00e7\u0131s\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcn doktordan eve d\u00f6nerken arabada uzun s\u00fcre sessiz kald\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Sonra birden,<\/p>\n<p>\u201cO gece sen ger\u00e7ekten gitmeseydin san\u0131r\u0131m hi\u00e7bir zaman anlamayacakt\u0131m.\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n<p>Pencereden d\u0131\u015far\u0131 bakt\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen de gitmek istememi\u015ftim.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBiliyorum.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Elimi tuttu.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBana ders vermek i\u00e7in yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>G\u00fcl\u00fcmsedim.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBir bak\u0131ma \u00f6yleydi.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sallad\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u0130\u015fe yarad\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ama ben o g\u00fcn \u015funu \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015ftim:<\/p>\n<p>Bir evlilikte as\u0131l mesele kimin daha \u00e7ok yoruldu\u011funu kan\u0131tlamak de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n<p>As\u0131l mesele, sevdi\u011fin insan yoruldu\u011funda bunu g\u00f6r\u00fcp y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fcn bir ucundan tutabilmekti.<\/p>\n<p>\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc aile olmak, bir ki\u015finin her \u015feyi ta\u015f\u0131mas\u0131 demek de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n<p>Aile olmak, biri d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde di\u011ferinin \u201cBu benim problemim de\u011fil.\u201d dememesi demekti.<\/p>\n<p>Aylar sonra ikizlerimiz ilk ad\u0131mlar\u0131n\u0131 atmaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda Baran yerde dizlerinin \u00fczerinde onlar\u0131 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n<p>Biri bana, di\u011feri ona do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc.<\/p>\n<p>Baran o\u011flumuzu kuca\u011f\u0131na al\u0131p g\u00fclerken g\u00f6z g\u00f6ze geldik.<\/p>\n<p>O an ikimiz de ayn\u0131 \u015feyi biliyorduk.<\/p>\n<p>Kolumun k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 o hafta evlili\u011fimizi de k\u0131rabilirdi.<\/p>\n<p>Ama belki de ilk kez o hafta, aile olman\u0131n ger\u00e7ekte ne anlama geldi\u011fini \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015ftik.<\/p>\n<p>Ve bazen bir ili\u015fkiyi kurtaran \u015fey b\u00fcy\u00fck s\u00f6zler de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n<p>Bir gece uykusuz kalmak, bir bebe\u011fin bezini de\u011fi\u015ftirmek, yorulan e\u015finin elinden y\u00fck\u00fc almak ve sonunda \u015fu basit ger\u00e7e\u011fi anlamakt\u0131:<\/p>\n<p>\u00c7ocuklar\u0131n annelerinin belki \u201chastal\u0131k izni\u201d olmayabilirdi.<\/p>\n<p>Ama onlar\u0131n babalar\u0131 vard\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Ve art\u0131k Baran da bunun ger\u00e7ekten ne anlama geldi\u011fini biliyordu.<\/p>\n"},"alt_text":"","media_type":"image","mime_type":"image\/jpeg","media_details":{"width":1024,"height":1024,"file":"2026\/10\/imgonline1.jpg","filesize":67806,"sizes":{"medium":{"file":"imgonline1-300x300.jpg","width":300,"height":300,"filesize":18347,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1-300x300.jpg"},"thumbnail":{"file":"imgonline1-150x150.jpg","width":150,"height":150,"filesize":6150,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1-150x150.jpg"},"medium_large":{"file":"imgonline1-768x768.jpg","width":768,"height":768,"filesize":87199,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1-768x768.jpg"},"full":{"file":"imgonline1.jpg","width":1024,"height":1024,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1.jpg"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":"0","credit":"","camera":"","caption":"","created_timestamp":"0","copyright":"","focal_length":"0","iso":"0","shutter_speed":"0","title":"","orientation":"0","keywords":[],"alt":""}},"post":1190,"source_url":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/imgonline1.jpg","filename":"imgonline1.jpg","filesize":67806,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1192","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/attachment"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1192"}],"wp:attached-to":[{"embeddable":true,"post_type":"post","id":1190,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}