{"id":1560,"date":"2026-10-12T22:56:23","date_gmt":"2026-10-12T22:56:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfdfg.jpg"},"modified":"2026-10-12T22:56:25","modified_gmt":"2026-10-12T22:56:25","slug":"gfdfg","status":"inherit","type":"attachment","link":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/annem-dul-ve-bekar-bir-anneyle-evlendigim-icin-beni-hayatindan-sildi\/gfdfg\/","title":{"rendered":"gfdfg"},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":[],"class_list":["post-1560","attachment","type-attachment","status-inherit","hentry"],"description":{"rendered":"<p class=\"attachment\"><a href='https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfdfg.jpg'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"287\" src=\"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfdfg-300x287.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfdfg-300x287.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfdfg.jpg 691w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n"},"caption":{"rendered":"<p>O tek kelime, evin i\u00e7inde bir \u00e7an gibi \u00e7\u0131nlad\u0131. Annemin omuzlar\u0131 titredi. G\u00f6zleri Kerem\u2019in y\u00fcz\u00fcne kilitlendi. O \u00e7ocu\u011fu ilk kez g\u00f6r\u00fcyordu. Ama o bak\u0131\u015f\u2026 sanki birini tan\u0131m\u0131\u015f gibi, sanki ge\u00e7mi\u015finden bir hayalet \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f gibi dondu.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSen\u2026\u201d dedi annem. \u201cSenin ad\u0131n ne?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kerem, beni i\u015faret etti. \u201cBen Kerem. Bu benim babam.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Annemin y\u00fcz\u00fc bir anda bembeyaz kesildi. G\u00f6zleri kocaman a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131. Elini a\u011fz\u0131na g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc. Nefesi d\u00fczensizle\u015fti.<\/p>\n<p>Ay\u015fe hemen yakla\u015ft\u0131. \u201c\u0130yi misiniz?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Annem Ay\u015fe\u2019ye bakmad\u0131 bile. Kerem\u2019e bak\u0131yordu. Kerem\u2019in ka\u015f\u0131na, g\u00f6zlerine, y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki \u00e7ukura\u2026 Ard\u0131ndan d\u00f6n\u00fcp bana bakt\u0131, sanki benden bir a\u00e7\u0131klama koparmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBu \u00e7ocuk\u2026\u201d diye f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131. \u201cBu \u00e7ocu\u011fun\u2026 babas\u0131 kim?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ay\u015fe\u2019nin eli, bir an havada as\u0131l\u0131 kald\u0131. Sanki bir yere basmadan \u00f6nce zeminin sa\u011flam olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yokluyordu. Sonra yava\u015f\u00e7a tezg\u00e2ha dayan\u0131p bana bakt\u0131. O bak\u0131\u015fta soru yoktu. Sadece \u201cs\u00f6yleme s\u0131ras\u0131 sende\u201d vard\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBenim,\u201d dedim.<\/p>\n<p>Annemin y\u00fcz\u00fcnde k\u0131sa bir bo\u015fluk belirdi. Sonra ac\u0131 bir kahkaha \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 a\u011fz\u0131ndan.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHay\u0131r,\u201d dedi. \u201cHay\u0131r, olamaz. Sen \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131ld\u0131r\u2026 Siz\u2026 Bu \u00e7ocuk yedi ya\u015f\u0131nda dedin. Yedi ya\u015f\u0131nda\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYedi,\u201d dedi Ay\u015fe. Sesi yumu\u015fakt\u0131 ama netti. \u201cBenim hayat\u0131ma senin sand\u0131\u011f\u0131n gibi bir y\u00fck olarak gelmedi. O benim o\u011flum. Ve\u2026 evet, babas\u0131 sizden \u00f6nceki evlili\u011fimden.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Annemin g\u00f6zleri yeniden Kerem\u2019e d\u00f6nd\u00fc. Kerem bir \u015feylerden gerildi\u011fini hissetmi\u015f olacak ki, bacaklar\u0131ma tutundu. Ben e\u011filip sa\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 ok\u015fad\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cKerem, odana gidip legolar\u0131nla oynar m\u0131s\u0131n? Ben birazdan yan\u0131na gelece\u011fim,\u201d dedim.<\/p>\n<p>Kerem \u00f6nce anneme bakt\u0131. Sonra bana. \u201cTamam baba,\u201d dedi ve ko\u015farak odas\u0131na gitti.<\/p>\n<p>Kap\u0131 kapan\u0131nca, evin i\u00e7indeki sessizlik a\u011f\u0131rla\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Annem salondaki kanepeye oturdu. Oturur oturmaz da elleri titreyerek \u00e7antas\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131. Sanki tutunacak bir \u015fey ar\u0131yordu. Sonra, \u00e7ok uzun bir s\u00fcre konu\u015fmad\u0131. Y\u00fcz\u00fcnde ilk kez benli\u011fini kaybetmi\u015f bir ifade vard\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Ben, \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131l \u00f6nce beni \u201chayat\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6pe at\u0131yorsun\u201d diye a\u015fa\u011f\u0131layan kad\u0131n\u0131n, \u015fimdi g\u00f6zlerinin doldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBiliyor musun\u2026\u201d dedi sonunda. \u201cBen\u2026 ben b\u00f6yle bir \u015fey olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmedim.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNe olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131?\u201d dedim.<\/p>\n<p>Annem yutkundu. G\u00f6zleri bir noktaya \u00e7ak\u0131l\u0131 kald\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen hep\u2026 senin ac\u0131 \u00e7ekece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm,\u201d dedi. \u201cSefalet, pi\u015fmanl\u0131k, kavga\u2026 Bir g\u00fcn kap\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7al\u0131p \u2018hakl\u0131yd\u0131n\u2019 diyeceksin sand\u0131m.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ay\u015fe sessizce \u00e7ay\u0131 getirdi. \u00dc\u00e7 bardak koydu. Kurabiyeleri taba\u011fa dizdi. Sonra yan\u0131mda durdu, ama araya girmedi. Bu, annemi daha da huzursuz etti; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bekledi\u011fi \u201ckavga\u201d yoktu.<\/p>\n<p>Annem, \u00e7ay barda\u011f\u0131na uzand\u0131 ama eli titredi\u011fi i\u00e7in barda\u011f\u0131 alamad\u0131. Ben uzan\u0131p barda\u011f\u0131 ald\u0131m, \u00f6n\u00fcne koydum. Annem o hareketi g\u00f6r\u00fcnce irkildi. Sanki benim ondan nefret etmemi bekliyordu da, ben ba\u015fka bir \u015fey yap\u0131yordum.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen seni sevmekten vazge\u00e7medim,\u201d dedim. \u201cAma sen beni yat\u0131r\u0131m gibi g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn i\u00e7in\u2026 benden vazge\u00e7tin.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Annemin g\u00f6zleri doldu.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen\u2026 ben sadece seni korumak istedim,\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHay\u0131r,\u201d dedim. \u201cSen kendi korkunu korudun. \u0130nsanlar ne der diye korktun. Benim \u2018ba\u015far\u0131l\u0131\u2019 g\u00f6r\u00fcnmemi istedin. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc o zaman senin emeklerin bo\u015fa gitmemi\u015f olacakt\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Annemin y\u00fcz\u00fc b\u00fck\u00fcld\u00fc. A\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131. \u0130lk kez. Ger\u00e7ekten, sessizce, utan\u0131r gibi.<\/p>\n<p>Ay\u015fe bir ad\u0131m att\u0131. \u201c\u0130sterseniz biraz su alay\u0131m,\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n<p>Annem g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 silip Ay\u015fe\u2019ye bakt\u0131. \u00dc\u00e7 y\u0131l \u00f6nceki o kibirli bak\u0131\u015f yoktu. Sadece \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131k ve\u2026 sanki k\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir \u015feyin mahcubiyeti.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSen\u2026\u201d dedi annem, sesi \u00e7atalland\u0131. \u201cSen nas\u0131l\u2026 nas\u0131l b\u00f6yle durabiliyorsun? Ben seni k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsedim. O\u011flumu\u2026 o\u011flunu\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ay\u015fe g\u00f6zlerini ka\u00e7\u0131rmad\u0131. \u201cBeni k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsediniz, evet,\u201d dedi. \u201cAma ben sizinle sava\u015fmak i\u00e7in gelmedim bu hayata. Benim sava\u015f\u0131m zaten ba\u015fka yerlerdeydi. Gece vardiyalar\u0131nda, hastane koridorlar\u0131nda, bor\u00e7 hesaplar\u0131nda\u2026 Benim istedi\u011fim tek \u015fey evimde huzurdu.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Annem ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 e\u011fdi. Uzun s\u00fcre \u00f6yle kald\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Sonra beklemedi\u011fim bir \u015fey yapt\u0131. \u00c7antas\u0131ndan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, eski bir zarf \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. Kenarlar\u0131 y\u0131pranm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Zarf\u0131 iki eliyle tuttu, sanki i\u00e7indekini s\u00f6ylerse da\u011f\u0131lacakm\u0131\u015f gibi.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBenim annem\u2026\u201d diye ba\u015flad\u0131, sesi titriyordu. \u201cBen \u00e7ocukken\u2026 beni de hi\u00e7 \u2018\u00e7ocuk\u2019 gibi g\u00f6rmedi. Ben de onun yat\u0131r\u0131miyd\u0131m. Varl\u0131kl\u0131yd\u0131k ama evimiz so\u011fuktu. \u015eefkat yoktu. Ben de bunu normal sand\u0131m. Sana da\u2026 ayn\u0131 dili konu\u015ftum.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Zarf\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131. \u0130\u00e7inden sararm\u0131\u015f bir foto\u011fraf \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Gen\u00e7 bir kad\u0131n, sert bak\u0131\u015fl\u0131, yan\u0131nda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011fu\u2026 Annemdi o \u00e7ocuk.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen hep g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc olman\u0131n, kontrol etmenin sevgi oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm,\u201d dedi. \u201cAma bug\u00fcn\u2026 senin evine girdim. Bakt\u0131m. Bu evde par\u0131lt\u0131 yok, ama s\u0131cakl\u0131k var.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kurabiyelere uzand\u0131. Bir tane ald\u0131. Is\u0131rd\u0131. G\u00f6zleri yeniden doldu.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cVe o \u00e7ocuk\u2026\u201d dedi. \u201cKerem\u2026 bana bir \u015fey hat\u0131rlatt\u0131. Benim hi\u00e7 ya\u015fayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir \u015feyi.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNe?\u201d dedim.<\/p>\n<p>Annem bana bakt\u0131. \u201cBirinin \u2018baba\u2019 demesinin ne demek oldu\u011funu,\u201d dedi. \u201cBenim babam da vard\u0131 ama\u2026 hi\u00e7 yoktu.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>O an, annemin b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00f6fkesi de\u011fil\u2026 b\u00fct\u00fcn yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 konu\u015fuyordu.<\/p>\n<p>Derin bir nefes ald\u0131, sanki y\u0131llard\u0131r ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir y\u00fck\u00fc indiriyormu\u015f gibi.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen hata yapt\u0131m,\u201d dedi. \u201cSeni kaybettim. Ve kendimi\u2026 senin mutlu olamayaca\u011f\u0131na ikna ederek avuttum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc sen mutlu olursan, benim yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m her \u015feyin yanl\u0131\u015f oldu\u011funu kabul etmem gerekecekti.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>O c\u00fcmle, evin i\u00e7ine a\u011f\u0131r bir ta\u015f gibi d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Ay\u015fe\u2019nin eli, yava\u015f\u00e7a benim elimin \u00fczerine geldi. Sessizce.<\/p>\n<p>Annem g\u00f6zlerini sildi. Sonra, titreyen bir sesle ekledi:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBeni affetmeni istemeye hakk\u0131m var m\u0131 bilmiyorum. Ama\u2026 e\u011fer izin verirsen\u2026 en az\u0131ndan torununu\u2026 Kerem\u2019i tan\u0131mak istiyorum.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ben bir an cevap veremedim. \u0130\u00e7imde \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131l\u0131n k\u0131rg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131, bir anda kap\u0131ya y\u0131\u011f\u0131lan bir dalga gibi kabard\u0131. Onun s\u00f6zleri, beni ge\u00e7mi\u015fe \u00e7ekti: \u201cBir daha benden hi\u00e7bir \u015fey isteme.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ama sonra akl\u0131ma Kerem geldi. \u201cBaba\u201d dedi\u011fi g\u00fcnk\u00fc masumlu\u011fu. Bir evin i\u00e7ini dolduran sevginin, intikamdan daha g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc oldu\u011funu.<\/p>\n<p>Aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131m. Kerem\u2019in odas\u0131n\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131na y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcm, kap\u0131y\u0131 aralad\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cKerem,\u201d dedim. \u201cGel bakal\u0131m.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kerem, elinde lego par\u00e7as\u0131yla ko\u015farak geldi. G\u00f6zleri merakl\u0131yd\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBaba?\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n<p>Ben \u00e7\u00f6meldim. \u201cBug\u00fcn birini tan\u0131man\u0131 istiyorum,\u201d dedim ve anneme bakt\u0131m. \u201cBu\u2026 benim annem. Senin de\u2026 b\u00fcy\u00fckannen.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kerem anneme bakt\u0131. Annem a\u011flamamak i\u00e7in dudaklar\u0131n\u0131 \u0131s\u0131r\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n<p>Kerem teredd\u00fct etti. Sonra, Ay\u015fe\u2019ye bakt\u0131. Ay\u015fe hafif\u00e7e ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sallad\u0131; \u201ctamam\u201d der gibi.<\/p>\n<p>Kerem, a\u011f\u0131r ad\u0131mlarla anneme yakla\u015ft\u0131. Annem nefesini tuttu. Kerem ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131p sordu:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSen\u2026 benim babam\u0131n annesi misin?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Annem titreyerek g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi. \u201cEvet,\u201d dedi. \u201cBen\u2026 ben senin b\u00fcy\u00fckannenim.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kerem bir an d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc. Sonra, hi\u00e7 beklenmedik bir sadelikle, elindeki lego par\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131 anneme uzatt\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u0130stersen bunu sana verebilirim,\u201d dedi. \u201cBenim en sevdi\u011fim par\u00e7a.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Annem o lego par\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131 ald\u0131. Sanki alt\u0131n bir madalya alm\u0131\u015f gibi elleriyle kavrad\u0131. G\u00f6zlerinden ya\u015flar s\u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc.<\/p>\n<p>Ve o an anlad\u0131m: Annemin \u201cAman Allah\u2019\u0131m, bu ne b\u00f6yle?\u201d dedi\u011fi \u015fey evin mobilyas\u0131 de\u011fildi. Fakirlik de\u011fildi. Eksiklik de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n<p>Onu y\u0131kan \u015fey, bu evde g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u015feydi:<\/p>\n<p>Sevgi.<\/p>\n<p>Kendisine y\u0131llarca \u00f6\u011fretilmeyen, benimse \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131lda kurdu\u011fum o sade ama ger\u00e7ek sevgi.<\/p>\n<p>Annem ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131, bana bakt\u0131. \u0130lk kez g\u00f6zlerinde yarg\u0131 de\u011fil, teslimiyet vard\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBen\u2026 ge\u00e7 kald\u0131m,\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEvet,\u201d dedim. \u201cAma h\u00e2l\u00e2 buradas\u0131n.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ay\u015fe yan\u0131m\u0131za geldi. Kerem\u2019i kuca\u011f\u0131na ald\u0131. Sonra anneme d\u00f6nd\u00fc.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBiz burada kal\u0131c\u0131y\u0131z,\u201d dedi. \u201cE\u011fer siz de ger\u00e7ekten gelmek istiyorsan\u0131z\u2026 kap\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k. Ama \u015fartlar\u0131 art\u0131k siz koymayacaks\u0131n\u0131z. Sevgi koyacak.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Annem ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sallad\u0131. \u201cTamam,\u201d dedi f\u0131s\u0131lt\u0131yla. \u201cTamam\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p>O g\u00fcn annem, ilk kez bizim evden \u201cgalip\u201d \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131.<br \/>\nAma ilk kez\u2026 ger\u00e7ekten insan gibi \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>Ve ben, hayat\u0131mda ilk kez \u015funu hissettim:<br \/>\nBaz\u0131 kopu\u015flar, bir \u015feyi bitirmek i\u00e7in de\u011fil\u2026 do\u011fru yerden yeniden ba\u015flamak i\u00e7in ya\u015fan\u0131yormu\u015f.<\/p>\n"},"alt_text":"","media_type":"image","mime_type":"image\/jpeg","media_details":{"width":691,"height":661,"file":"2026\/10\/gfdfg.jpg","filesize":58522,"sizes":{"medium":{"file":"gfdfg-300x287.jpg","width":300,"height":287,"filesize":19704,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfdfg-300x287.jpg"},"thumbnail":{"file":"gfdfg-150x150.jpg","width":150,"height":150,"filesize":7016,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfdfg-150x150.jpg"},"full":{"file":"gfdfg.jpg","width":691,"height":661,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfdfg.jpg"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":"0","credit":"","camera":"","caption":"","created_timestamp":"0","copyright":"","focal_length":"0","iso":"0","shutter_speed":"0","title":"","orientation":"0","keywords":[],"alt":""}},"post":1558,"source_url":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfdfg.jpg","filename":"gfdfg.jpg","filesize":58522,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1560","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/attachment"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1560"}],"wp:attached-to":[{"embeddable":true,"post_type":"post","id":1558,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1558"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}