{"id":1594,"date":"2026-10-14T04:33:57","date_gmt":"2026-10-14T04:33:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/?p=1594"},"modified":"2026-10-14T04:33:57","modified_gmt":"2026-10-14T04:33:57","slug":"annem-otuz-yil-susmasi-icin-para-aldigini-soyledi-kilitlenen-mutfak-kapisinin-ardindaki-gercek","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/annem-otuz-yil-susmasi-icin-para-aldigini-soyledi-kilitlenen-mutfak-kapisinin-ardindaki-gercek\/","title":{"rendered":"Annem Otuz Y\u0131l Susmas\u0131 \u0130\u00e7in Para Ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 S\u00f6yledi: Kilitlenen Mutfak Kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n Ard\u0131ndaki Ger\u00e7ek"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t\t<style>\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 33%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-1594 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/annem-otuz-yil-susmasi-icin-para-aldigini-soyledi-kilitlenen-mutfak-kapisinin-ardindaki-gercek\/gredfcv-8\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gredfcv-4-150x150.avif\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-1595\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-1595'>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cA\u00c7 \u015eU KAPIYI!\u201d\n\nSesim mutfa\u011f\u0131n duvarlar\u0131nda yank\u0131land\u0131. Babam R\u0131fat anahtar\u0131 cebine koyarken annem S\u00fcheyla&#8217;n\u0131n elleri titriyordu. Yetmi\u015f sekiz ya\u015f\u0131ndaki o sert adam\u0131 ilk kez korkmu\u015f g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ama korkusu benden de\u011fil, birazdan duyacaklar\u0131mdand\u0131.\n\n\u201cBerrak, otur,\u201d dedi.\n\n\u201c\u00d6nce kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7.\u201d\n\nAnnem sandalyeyi \u00e7ekti. \u201cB\u0131rak anlats\u0131n k\u0131z\u0131m. Ben art\u0131k susmayaca\u011f\u0131m.\u201d\n\nBabam g\u00f6zlerini kapatt\u0131. Sonra cebindeki anahtar\u0131 masaya b\u0131rakt\u0131.\n\n\u201cOtuz y\u0131l \u00f6nce,\u201d diye ba\u015flad\u0131 annem, \u201csen be\u015f ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131n. Baban\u0131n Bursa&#8217;da k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir tekstil at\u00f6lyesi vard\u0131. Hat\u0131rl\u0131yor musun?\u201d\n\nBa\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sallad\u0131m. Makinelerin g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc, kuma\u015f kokusunu ve bana her gidi\u015fimde \u015feker veren gen\u00e7 bir kad\u0131n\u0131 hat\u0131rl\u0131yordum. Ad\u0131 Nalan&#8217;d\u0131.\n\n\u201cBir gece at\u00f6lyede yang\u0131n \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131,\u201d dedi annem.\n\n\u201cBiliyorum. Elektrik konta\u011f\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcnden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylemi\u015ftiniz.\u201d\n\n\u201cYang\u0131n elektrikten \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131.\u201d\n\nBabam\u0131n yumru\u011fu masaya indi. \u201cS\u00fcheyla!\u201d\n\nAnnem bu kez irkilmedi.\n\n\u201cDepoda ka\u00e7ak tutulan tiner bidonlar\u0131 vard\u0131. M\u00fcfetti\u015fler gelecekti. Baban onlar\u0131 ba\u015fka bir yere ta\u015f\u0131tmak istedi. \u0130\u015f\u00e7iler itiraz etti. Nalan da oradayd\u0131.\u201d\n\nBo\u011faz\u0131m kurudu. \u201cSonra?\u201d\n\n\u201cBidonlardan biri devrildi. Is\u0131t\u0131c\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda alev ald\u0131. Herkes ka\u00e7\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ama arka \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde kuma\u015f balyalar\u0131 y\u0131\u011f\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131.\u201d\n\n\u201cBir ki\u015fi \u00f6ld\u00fc,\u201d dedim. \u201cBana hep \u00f6yle s\u00f6ylediniz.\u201d\n\nAnnem a\u011flayarak ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sallad\u0131.\n\n\u201c\u0130ki ki\u015fi i\u00e7eride kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Nalan ve k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck karde\u015fi Ferhat. O gece kad\u0131n, karde\u015fini yan\u0131nda getirmi\u015fti. Ferhat on ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131.\u201d\n\nBir anda y\u0131llard\u0131r zihnimde beliren bir g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fc canland\u0131: Cam\u0131n arkas\u0131ndan yard\u0131m isteyen k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir el. \u00c7ocukken g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm bir k\u00e2bus sand\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fc.\n\n\u201cFerhat&#8230;\u201d diye f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131m. \u201cBen onu tan\u0131yordum.\u201d\n\nBabam bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 ka\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131.\n\n\u201cBaban arka kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7abilirdi,\u201d dedi annem. \u201cAnahtar ondayd\u0131. Ama depo kay\u0131tlar\u0131, sigortas\u0131z \u00e7al\u0131\u015fanlar\u0131n isimleri, b\u00fct\u00fcn usuls\u00fczl\u00fckler i\u00e7erideydi. Kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7arsa ger\u00e7ek ortaya \u00e7\u0131kacak diye korktu.\u201d\n\n\u201cO y\u00fczden mi a\u00e7mad\u0131?\u201d\n\nAnnemin sessizli\u011fi cevapt\u0131.\n\nAya\u011fa kalkt\u0131m. Sandalye geriye devrildi.\n\n\u201cBir \u00e7ocu\u011fu i\u00e7eride mi b\u0131rakt\u0131n?\u201d\n\n\u201cBen&#8230;\u201d Babam konu\u015fmakta zorland\u0131. \u201cYang\u0131n \u00e7ok h\u0131zl\u0131 yay\u0131ld\u0131.\u201d\n\n\u201cKap\u0131y\u0131 kilitledin mi?\u201d\n\nUzun bir sessizlik oldu.\n\n\u201cEvet.\u201d\n\nO tek kelimeyle \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumdaki b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcven duygusu par\u00e7aland\u0131.\n\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/annem-otuz-yil-susmasi-icin-para-aldigini-soyledi-kilitlenen-mutfak-kapisinin-ardindaki-gercek\/gfd-3\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfd-2-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-1596\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfd-2-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfd-2-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/gfd-2.jpg 540w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-1596'>\n\t\t\t\tAnnem \u00f6n\u00fcndeki beyaz zarf\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131. \u0130\u00e7inden sararm\u0131\u015f bir foto\u011fraf \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. Foto\u011frafta ben, Nalan ve Ferhat yan yana g\u00fcl\u00fcyorduk. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u00e7ocu\u011fun elinde k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 bir oyuncak araba vard\u0131.\n\n\u201cFerhat \u00f6lmedi,\u201d dedi annem.\n\nNefesimi tuttum.\n\n\u201c\u0130tfaiyeciler onu \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. A\u011f\u0131r yaraland\u0131. Nalan ise dumandan kurtulamad\u0131. Baban\u0131n anlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 hik\u00e2yede yang\u0131n\u0131 dikkatsiz bir i\u015f\u00e7i \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. B\u00fct\u00fcn su\u00e7, \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015f olan Nalan&#8217;\u0131n \u00fczerine kald\u0131.\u201d\n\nBabam\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcne bakt\u0131m. \u201cPeki Ferhat ne oldu?\u201d\n\n\u201cYak\u0131nlar\u0131 onu \u0130stanbul&#8217;a g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc. Hastanelerde y\u0131llarca tedavi g\u00f6rd\u00fc. Sonra izini kaybettik.\u201d\n\n\u201cYalan,\u201d dedi babam bo\u011fuk sesle.\n\nAnnem ona d\u00f6nd\u00fc. \u201cHangi k\u0131sm\u0131 yalan R\u0131fat? Senin kap\u0131y\u0131 kilitledi\u011fin mi, yoksa \u00e7ocu\u011fun ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 m\u0131?\u201d\n\nBabam bir anda \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f gibiydi. Masan\u0131n kenar\u0131na tutundu.\n\n\u201cY\u0131llarca o kap\u0131n\u0131n sesini duydum,\u201d dedi. \u201cBir g\u00fcn bile unutmad\u0131m.\u201d\n\n\u201cUnutmad\u0131ysan neden s\u00f6ylemedin?\u201d diye ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131m.\n\n\u201c\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc hapse girerdim. Siz sokakta kal\u0131rd\u0131n\u0131z. Sizi korudu\u011fumu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm.\u201d\n\nAnnem ac\u0131yla g\u00fcld\u00fc.\n\n\u201cBizi de\u011fil, kendini korudun. Bana her ay verdi\u011fin para da bunun i\u00e7indi. Susmam\u0131 sat\u0131n ald\u0131n.\u201d\n\n\u201cSen paray\u0131 ald\u0131n,\u201d dedi babam.\n\nAnnem \u00e7ekmeceden kal\u0131n bir dosya \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. \u0130\u00e7inde otuz y\u0131la ait banka dekontlar\u0131, tarihleri yaz\u0131l\u0131 notlar ve makbuzlar vard\u0131.\n\n\u201cO paran\u0131n tek kuru\u015funu kendime harcamad\u0131m,\u201d dedi. \u201c\u00d6nce Ferhat&#8217;\u0131n tedavi g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc hastaneye g\u00f6nderdim. Sonra onu bulmak i\u00e7in ara\u015ft\u0131rmac\u0131lara, avukatlara \u00f6dedim. Geri kalan\u0131n\u0131 onun ad\u0131na a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131m hesaba yat\u0131rd\u0131m.\u201d\n\nDosyay\u0131 kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131m. Her makbuz bir ay\u0131, her ay annemin ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u00fck\u00fc g\u00f6steriyordu.\n\n\u201cOnu buldun mu?\u201d\n\nAnnem cevap vermeden \u00f6nce telefonunu a\u00e7t\u0131. Ekranda d\u00fcn ak\u015fam gelen bir mesaj vard\u0131.\n\n\u2018S\u00fcheyla Han\u0131m, yar\u0131n \u00f6\u011fleden sonra Bursa&#8217;da olaca\u011f\u0131m. Art\u0131k konu\u015fmaya haz\u0131r\u0131m. Ferhat.\u2019\n\nKap\u0131 zili \u00e7ald\u0131.\n\n\u00dc\u00e7\u00fcm\u00fcz de yerimizde s\u0131\u00e7rad\u0131k. Saatime bakt\u0131m. Tam ikiydi.\n\nBabam f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131: \u201cOnu buraya m\u0131 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131n?\u201d\n\n\u201cEvet,\u201d dedi annem. \u201c\u00d6nce k\u0131z\u0131m\u0131za anlatmak istedim. Sonra da senin y\u00fczle\u015fmeni.\u201d\n\nBabam cebinden anahtar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. Eli \u00f6yle titriyordu ki kilide sokamad\u0131. Anahtar\u0131 ondan ald\u0131m, kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131m.\n\nE\u015fikte k\u0131rk ya\u015flar\u0131nda, y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn sol taraf\u0131nda yan\u0131k izleri bulunan bir adam duruyordu. Elinde y\u0131pranm\u0131\u015f k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 bir oyuncak araba vard\u0131.\n\n\u201cBerrak?\u201d dedi.\n\nAd\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6yleyi\u015finden beni hat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlad\u0131m.\n\n\u201cFerhat&#8230;\u201d\n\nBa\u015f\u0131n\u0131 e\u011fdi. \u201cAblam seni \u00e7ok severdi. Yang\u0131ndan \u00f6nceki g\u00fcn do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u00e7in bir elbise dikmi\u015fti.\u201d\n\nG\u00f6zlerim doldu. Y\u0131llarca saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00e7i\u00e7ekli elbiseyi hat\u0131rlad\u0131m. Annem onu neden hi\u00e7 att\u0131rmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131, \u015fimdi anl\u0131yordum.\n\nFerhat mutfa\u011fa girdi\u011finde babam oturuyordu. Birbirlerine uzun s\u00fcre bakt\u0131lar.\n\n\u201cBeni tan\u0131d\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131 R\u0131fat Bey?\u201d\n\nBabam cevap veremedi.\n\n\u201cBen sizi hi\u00e7 unutmad\u0131m,\u201d dedi Ferhat. \u201cKap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6te yan\u0131nda duruyordunuz. Anahtar elinizdeydi. Size ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131m. Ablam ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131. Sonra arkan\u0131z\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fcn\u00fcz.\u201d\n\nBabam\u0131n dudaklar\u0131 k\u0131p\u0131rdad\u0131. \u201c\u00d6z\u00fcr dilerim.\u201d\n\nFerhat&#8217;\u0131n g\u00f6zleri doldu ama sesi sakindi.\n\n\u201cBen buraya \u00f6z\u00fcr dinlemeye gelmedim. Ablam\u0131n mezar ta\u015f\u0131nda ad\u0131 h\u00e2l\u00e2 yang\u0131na sebep olan ki\u015fi olarak an\u0131l\u0131yor. Onun su\u00e7suz oldu\u011funu herkes bilsin istiyorum.\u201d\n\nAnnem dosyadan bir ba\u015fka k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. Yang\u0131ndan birka\u00e7 hafta sonra tutulan eski bir tan\u0131k ifadesinin kopyas\u0131yd\u0131. \u0130\u015f\u00e7ilerden biri arka kap\u0131n\u0131n kilitli oldu\u011funu anlatm\u0131\u015f, fakat ifade dosyaya al\u0131nmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Annem o i\u015f\u00e7iyi y\u0131llar sonra bulmu\u015ftu.\n\n\u201cBa\u015fka tan\u0131klar da var,\u201d dedi. \u201cYa\u015fayan iki ki\u015fi konu\u015fmay\u0131 kabul etti.\u201d\n\nFerhat ceketinin i\u00e7 cebinden katlanm\u0131\u015f bir k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. \u00dczerinde \u00e7ocuk el yaz\u0131s\u0131yla birka\u00e7 kelime vard\u0131. \u201cAblam\u0131n son mektubu,\u201d dedi. \u201cBana okuma yazmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011fretmek i\u00e7in bir oyun haz\u0131rlam\u0131\u015f.\u201d\n\nK\u00e2\u011f\u0131tta \u015f\u00f6yle yaz\u0131yordu: \u201cKorkunca elimi tut. Birlikte \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f yolunu buluruz.\u201d\n\nFerhat g\u00f6zlerini babama \u00e7evirdi. \u201cBen o gece elini tutamad\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc beni pencereye do\u011fru itti. \u00d6nce benim kurtulmam\u0131 istedi. Ablam\u0131n nas\u0131l biri oldu\u011funu anl\u0131yor musunuz?\u201d\n\nBabam a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Bu, hayat\u0131m boyunca g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm ilk ger\u00e7ek g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131yd\u0131. Fakat onun a\u011flamas\u0131 hi\u00e7bir \u015feyi geri getirmiyordu.\n\nBir an anneme \u00f6fkelendim. \u201cBunu neden daha \u00f6nce bana anlatmad\u0131n? \u00c7ocuk de\u011fildim art\u0131k.\u201d\n\nAnnem g\u00f6zlerimin i\u00e7ine bakt\u0131. \u201c\u0130lk y\u0131llarda senden korktum. Baban\u0131 kaybedersin sand\u0131m. Sonra kendi sessizli\u011fimden utand\u0131m. Her ge\u00e7en y\u0131l konu\u015fmak daha zorla\u015ft\u0131. Bunun do\u011fru oldu\u011funu s\u00f6ylemiyorum, k\u0131z\u0131m. Ben de yanl\u0131\u015f yapt\u0131m.\u201d\n\nOna sar\u0131lmak istedim ama yapamad\u0131m. Baz\u0131 ger\u00e7eklerin insan\u0131n i\u00e7inde oturmas\u0131 i\u00e7in zamana ihtiyac\u0131 vard\u0131.\n\nBabam ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131. \u201cHer \u015feyi anlatsam bana ne olacak, fark\u0131nda m\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z?\u201d\n\n\u201cBiliyorum,\u201d dedim. \u201cAma otuz y\u0131ld\u0131r ne oldu\u011funun fark\u0131nda olan tek ki\u015fi sen de\u011filsin.\u201d\n\nO ak\u015fam babam uzun uzun konu\u015ftu. Depodaki bidonlar\u0131, kilidi, sigorta \u015firketine s\u00f6yledi\u011fi yalanlar\u0131 tek tek anlatt\u0131. Annem ses kayd\u0131 ald\u0131. Ferhat sessizce dinledi. Ben babam\u0131n her c\u00fcmlesinde ba\u015fka bir yabanc\u0131yla tan\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum.\n\nErtesi sabah hep birlikte adliyeye gittik. Babam avukat\u0131 e\u015fli\u011finde ifade verdi. Dosyan\u0131n yeniden incelenmesi i\u00e7in ba\u015fvuru yap\u0131ld\u0131. Y\u0131llar ge\u00e7mesi nedeniyle hangi su\u00e7lardan i\u015flem yap\u0131labilece\u011fini bilmiyorduk. Ama art\u0131k ger\u00e7e\u011fin saklanmas\u0131na izin vermeyecektik.\n\nHaftalar sonra bir haber geldi. Eski raporlardaki \u00e7eli\u015fkiler incelenecek, tan\u0131klar dinlenecekti. Sonucun ne olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kimse bilmiyordu. Ferhat ise ilk kez ablas\u0131n\u0131n ad\u0131n\u0131n temize \u00e7\u0131kabilece\u011fine inan\u0131yordu.\n\nBir s\u00fcre sonra Ferhat&#8217;\u0131n iste\u011fiyle at\u00f6lyenin eski i\u015f\u00e7ilerinden \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcyle de g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ft\u00fck. Biri y\u0131llar \u00f6nce korkutuldu\u011funu, di\u011feri ailesini ge\u00e7indirmek i\u00e7in sustu\u011funu anlatt\u0131. \u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fcs\u00fc konu\u015furken ellerini y\u00fcz\u00fcne kapat\u0131p a\u011flad\u0131. Hepsi o gecenin i\u00e7inde kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Yaln\u0131zca yang\u0131n de\u011fil, y\u0131llarca s\u00fcren korku da hayatlar\u0131n\u0131 yakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.\n\nFerhat bir toplant\u0131da, \u201cSizden kahraman olman\u0131z\u0131 istemiyorum,\u201d dedi. \u201cYaln\u0131zca art\u0131k ger\u00e7e\u011fi ink\u00e2r etmeyin.\u201d O c\u00fcmle odadaki herkesi susturdu.\n\nBen de kendi \u00e7ocuklu\u011fuma ba\u015fka g\u00f6zle bakmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. Babam\u0131n her kilidi iki kez kontrol etmesini, siren duydu\u011funda pencereye ko\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131, annemin beyaz zarflar\u0131 gizlice saymas\u0131n\u0131 an\u0131msad\u0131m. \u0130\u015faretler hep \u00f6n\u00fcmdeydi. Ama bir \u00e7ocu\u011fun anne babas\u0131na g\u00fcvenmesi, g\u00f6rd\u00fcklerinin ne anlama geldi\u011fini bilmesini sa\u011flam\u0131yordu.\n\nBabam eve d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde eskisi gibi emirler veren bir adam de\u011fildi. Ne annem onu hemen affetti ne de ben. Annem ayr\u0131 ya\u015famaya karar verdi. Bense onu ziyaret etmeyi s\u00fcrd\u00fcrd\u00fcm, fakat ge\u00e7mi\u015fi yok saymadan.\n\nBir g\u00fcn babam bana, \u201cBana yeniden baba diyebilecek misin?\u201d diye sordu.\n\nUzun s\u00fcre d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm.\n\n\u201cBilmiyorum,\u201d dedim. \u201cAma de\u011fi\u015fmek istiyorsan \u00f6nce verdi\u011fin zarar\u0131 kabul etmelisin. Affedilmek senin hakk\u0131n de\u011fil, ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n karar\u0131.\u201d\n\nO s\u00fcre\u00e7te annemle ili\u015fkim de de\u011fi\u015fti. Art\u0131k bana her \u015feyi bilen, her sorunu \u00e7\u00f6zen bir anne gibi davranm\u0131yordu. Bazen kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 susuyor, bazen birbirimize zor sorular soruyorduk. Bir ak\u015fam \u201cKe\u015fke daha cesur olsayd\u0131m,\u201d dedi. Elini tuttum. \u201cBug\u00fcn cesur davrand\u0131n,\u201d diye cevap verdim. \u201cGe\u00e7mi\u015fi de\u011fi\u015ftiremeyiz ama yar\u0131n kimi koruyaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131za karar verebiliriz.\u201d\n\nAylar sonra Ferhat&#8217;la Nalan&#8217;\u0131n mezar\u0131na gittik. Annem \u00e7i\u00e7ekleri yerle\u015ftirirken ben k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 oyuncak arabay\u0131 mezar\u0131n yan\u0131na b\u0131rakt\u0131m. Ferhat bana bakt\u0131.\n\n\u201cOnu saklamak zorunda de\u011filsin,\u201d dedi. \u201cBenim art\u0131k hat\u0131rlamak istedi\u011fim \u015fey yang\u0131n de\u011fil, ablam\u0131n g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fc.\u201d\n\nO anda anlad\u0131m: Bir aileyi ayakta tutan \u015fey s\u0131rlar\u0131n sonsuza kadar saklanmas\u0131 de\u011fildi. Bazen aile dedi\u011fimiz yap\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7indeki en b\u00fcy\u00fck sevgi, ger\u00e7e\u011fi s\u00f6yleyebilecek cesareti g\u00f6stermekti.\n\nAnnem otuz y\u0131l boyunca sustu\u011fu i\u00e7in kendini su\u00e7lam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Babam otuz y\u0131l boyunca susarak kurtulaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bense o g\u00fcn \u015funu \u00f6\u011frendim: Bir kap\u0131n\u0131n kilidini a\u00e7mak yaln\u0131zca birka\u00e7 saniye s\u00fcrer. Ama ard\u0131ndaki ger\u00e7ekle y\u00fczle\u015fmek bir \u00f6m\u00fcr isteyebilir.\n\nBizim evimizde o kap\u0131 nihayet a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ve ilk kez, i\u00e7eriye ger\u00e7ekten temiz hava doluyordu.\n\n\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl>\n\t\t\t<br style='clear: both' \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1595,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1594","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-foto-galeri"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1594","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1594"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1594\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1597,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1594\/revisions\/1597"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1595"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1594"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1594"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.denizcakmak.com\/hbr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1594"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}